


Something Borrowed

by Penstrokes



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: I'll fix this someday so it's actually good, M/M, bom spring fling, but I wanted to get it out before I gotta deal with all the graduation and Post School stuff, nowhere as good as I want it to be, or as good as it sounds because of Time and Creative Issues, somehow both late and rushed, the ending isn't what I"m proud of and I"ll have to go back and fix it to make it actually good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 11:17:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14543553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penstrokes/pseuds/Penstrokes
Summary: After several long years, Connor McKinley has finally decided to pop the question. Between a myriad of plans and preparations, the two have a decision to make.





	Something Borrowed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thespian_trash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thespian_trash/gifts).



> A very late McPricely fic for I-cant-find-Usnavi on Tumblr as part of the BOM Spring Fling Event. I really wanted to make their present Amazing but time wasn't on my side this semester. Between the ass ton of back to back tests and so on, I barely had time to write.
> 
> Originally there were going to be a series of four one shots, one for each of their Ships. I was too over ambitious, this fic especially. I don't think I would have had enough pages to give it the pacing and the words it so sorely deserves.

Connor must have gone over the plans at least a dozen times this day alone. He wanted it to be perfect, he really only had one shot at making this go the way he had meticulously planned. 

 

Those were only the parts that he himself could control. The knowledge that were and could be a million different responses, factors that he had no control over drove him crazy. He’d done what he could, how the rest of the night turned out depended on how Kevin responded. For as many contingencies, different paths this dinner could go down, Connor could do only hold his hands out and hope for the best. 

 

He was going to propose to Kevin tonight. 

 

Connor had distracted himself the past few hours with cooking. Knowing when Kevin came home from work gave him the benefit of being able to have the food still be nicely hot when he’d be ready to eat. If there was one good thing he took away from his time as District Leader, it was his appreciation of planning. This sense of control over his waking hours made up for the loss he felt during the night. A compromise between two different halves of his life, connected by duality.  It was Kevin came into the picture that this duality was thrown out of balance. 

 

Tall, handsome, sometimes naive Kevin. The man who single handedly threw his manta of ‘turn it off’ for a spin. Every part of him was screaming. Wanting to turn it off, wanting to hold Kevin’s hand, to kiss him. This finely crafted sense of control faltered, finally failing and leaving him heads over heels for Kevin. 

 

Finding himself without the support that he’d relied on for so long, Connor had to figure out who he was, who he was meant to be. It’d been a rough journey but he hadn’t been in it alone. Kevin, the man who broke him and woke him, had been there to help put him back together again. 

 

Connor heard Kevin come through the door. There was no time to reminisce about their past, that long arduous journey from their mission to now. Their past was important, who they’d been and who they’d become. Their future was also important, and if he wanted to make that future he so longed to have reality, he had to work on the present.  Putting on his biggest smile he greeted Kevin. 

 

“How’s my favorite man in the whole wide world, doing?” Still donning the now food stained  apron that he’d picked out for himself, Connor hurried out to the front door.

 

“You’re awfully chipper tonight, Connor.” Kevin pointed out as he took off his shoes, one hand planted against the wall for support. 

 

“Can’t a man be happy that his boyfriend is home?” Connor pouted, taking Kevin’s bag for him and putting it away in the closet for him. The tension in his chest rose. The beginning of this night was going well, just like he’d planned. The anticipation of something going astray was present, mixed with hope and pride. 

 

Kevin kissed Connor’s cheek, drawing him close. Kevin needed to shower but that was fine. So did Connor. Dinner wouldn’t be done for a little longer. His absence from the kitchen was alright for now. He knew when to go check on his dishes. Connor held his hands, their fingers interlacing. 

 

“Dinner smells great, Con, what is it?” Kevin asked, reluctant to pull away and ruin this moment of theirs. 

 

Connor let out a chuckle, lightly pushing Kevin away. “You’re just going to have to wait, if you can’t guess from how it smells. Go shower, Kevin Price. I want you to be extra clean for tonight.” 

 

“This is….uh, alright.” Kevin responded, looking at Connor quizzically. As he left to go shower, Connor let out a sigh. Oh, that Kevin, who still couldn’t sniff out at least part of what his dinner was going to be. Then again, maybe that was just a Connor thing. Kevin always insisted that was the deal, that ‘there was no way one man should be able to tell what exactly you’re making just by smelling it’. 

  
  
  


Kevin wondered just what Connor could be planning tonight. As the water soaked over his skin, his mind got to thinking. Was it for some special occasion that they’d been planning? Had Kevin forgotten to get Connor something? He couldn’t have, Kevin was certain he’d written all of those dates down. 

 

Their anniversary of getting together? May 15

 

The day the mission was shut down? June 27

 

Connor’s birthday? 

 

Kevin’s heart skipped a beat. If it was Connor’s birthday, he hadn’t gotten him anything. He hadn’t-

 

Kevin could imagine Connor’s disappointed face. The look of disappointment that Kevin of all people had forgotten, only to be replaced with the fake, cheerful veneer that he’d worn during most of their time in Kitguli together. 

 

Connor’s birthday...Connor’s birthday- 

 

-September 21st. 

 

Kevin’s heart stopped pounding, trying to jump out of his throat and down to the nearest store to rectify the mistake. Connor wasn’t one for the overly materialistic nature of birthdays and parties, still he didn’t dislike them either. Kevin didn’t like the thought of showing up empty handed. Despite what Connor said, Kevin’s own presence didn’t count as an actual gift and Kevin had had the golden rule of bringing something whenever an event or celebration was going on. 

 

Stepping out of the shower, he shuffled off downstairs, wondering what Connor had in mind.

  
  
  


Connor heard the water shut off, just on time too. He’d pulled the chicken out of the oven. It looked nice and moist and he was sure it would taste flavorful as well. The savory smell of freshly roasted chicken wafted up towards Connor,  Chicken wasn’t the most fanciful for such an occasion but they had it in the fridge and he’d really wanted to try out this recipe. Had it been anything fancier, Kevin might have asked him ahead of time, getting in the way of Connor’s meticulous planning. 

 

He hurried to put the finishing touches on his set up, arranging plates and mats just right. He wasn’t going to be able to do this the way he wanted to if he was going to be distracted by such small details. Yes, it was nitpicky and Kevin might not notice, wouldn’t really care if the middle placemat was slightly askew to the right. Connor had always considered himself, to a degree, a stickler for neatness when he could afford to do so. While he always mainly chalked up his desire for details to be part of his many leadership qualities and skills, there was the other reason for this quirk of his. 

 

It took the edge off of his anxiety, if only a little bit. That uneasiness, that never ending questioning in the very core of his person, was beaten back only by a trivial action. If that was the price he had to pay for a brief relief, freedom from this constant stream of doubt, then so be it. For too long he’d been plagued with this feeling of dread, even after Kevin’s acceptance, his own and their love, it was buried deep in his soul. 

 

The sound of Kevin coming down was enough to snap Connor back into action. Giving it one more check up and reassuring himself that yes, it was fine, that yes, it was perfect, Connor poured the drinks. Smoothing out his shirt, he realized that he was still wearing the apron.   

 

A deviation from the plan. A slight sense of panic filled him as he rushed to take it off. He’d gotten so far in setting it up and yet hadn’t even started on the heart of the matter. Heart racing, he raced to put it away, damned it if fell on the floor. It’d bother him, but it’d bother him later and he was ok with that. 

 

Kevin held his arms open, both welcoming and questioning his boyfriend.

“So, uh, happy-?” Kevin started, the question in his voice was as clear as day. 

 

“Oh hush, you. Sit down, I’ve put in a lot of effort into this dinner and I want to enjoy it with you before it goes cold. I’ll have you know I’ve been planning and working on this for awhile now.” Connor lightly scolded him, his voice half joking. Steering  Kevin into his seat, Connor sat down and began to serve them both. 

 

“Now tell me, how has work been today, Kevin?” He cooed, serving the vegetables first. A small forest of brocolli tumbled out onto the plate. The steam rising into his hand, making it feel damp, almost like the Ugandan air. 

 

“Really? Work? Of all the topics we could have started this dinner off with, you want to ask about work?” Kevin asked curiously, taking a drink from his cup. 

 

“Oh please, you’re already seeing what I did all day today. It’s only fair that I get to ask what you did with your time.” Connor chided him, moving onto the potatoes. Those white, smooth lumpy hills of potatoes were upturned by Connor’s serving spoon, lumping in next to the broccoli. Connor may have had to endure countless potato jokes, on apart of his last name, but they were filling, if nothing else. 

 

“Well, for the most part it went pretty well. Nothing major happened. Janet’s having a baby shower soon.Anderson says he’s not going, but he’s never liked her.Or anyone, really. He kind of creeps me out.” Kevin continued with his story, earning a simple ‘Mhmm’ from Connor. He could never imagine working at an office building like Kevin. It hadn’t been either of their first choices but it was where the money was and they were happy enough right now, so it was alright. 

 

Finally came the center piece, the edible one, anyway. Cutting into the meat-which seemed to be as moist as he’d hoped it’d be. Nodding along, he shifted through his mental notes on how to steer the conversation towards what he really wanted to talk about. Connor didn’t know Janet, only what Kevin  mentioned through him recounting his work days. She was not much older than were, having finally tied the knot with her boyfriend and gotten pregnant after many unfortunate tries. Oh, how Connor wanted to have what she had. A marriage, maybe even a child or two. 

 

Connor could not have asked for a better segway. If he ever met Janet he’d have to thank her.

 

“What about you? Have you ever thought about it? Us having kids?” Connor asked, heart thumping in his chest. 

 

“Adopting? Do you think we’d be ready for it?” Kevin asked, studying Connor from across the table. 

 

“I’d like to think we would. It wouldn’t have to be right away, we could wait.” Connor replied, feeling the box in his pocket. It’s velvet surface reminding him of what lay inside. The agonizing process of planning, of gathering up the courage to ask and arguing his point. He’d gotten so far, so close and yet...the question he wanted to ask was so far away. 

 

The question was so easy to ask in his head, with imaginary Kevin. The Kevin whose reactions he already knew, who he could simply make him say yes. Even when he made him say ‘no’, even when he put through the worst outcomes and reactions, Connor had known it wasn’t real, that he’d already known what was coming. Saying it out loud, letting it hang in the air where he could never take it back, it daunted him. 

 

The fear of rejection was back, in fact, it had never left. 

 

“Right away?” Kevin pressed, but not too hard. Not pursuing what it meant exactly, he left it open, leaving it for Connor to elaborate.

 

He had wanted a segway, something to lead them into this. It was what he’d wanted, hadn’t it? Yet it left him scrambling, not at all following what he’d planned out. Pushing past this temporary loss of control, this deviation, Connor reasserted himself. 

 

“Hypothetically, if we  _ were  _ to get married.” Connor pointed out, his breath hitching for a split moment on the word in question. 

 

Kevin made a face, as if turning something over in his head. “Are you asking me if I want to get married to you?” 

 

Connor could have sworn his heart stopped. He had wanted to get to the heart of the matter, had wanted to ask Kevin, yes. This was nothing like how he’d planned it, nothing how he’d imagined it. In his mind, Connor had always been the one asking the question. Not the other way around. 

 

“I-” A brief moment went by before he answered. “-I guess I am, Kevin.” A tired, defeated laugh escaped his mouth. 

 

“This was supposed to be so, so much more romantic. I had it planned out, all of it. You weren’t...this isn’t how it was supposed to be.” Kevin’s expression became a mix of guilt and surprise. 

 

“Oh my gosh, Connor, I didn’t mean to spoil the event.” 

 

Connor leaned back slightly, taking a deep drink from his cup. Despite the sense of relief that it was out of the bag, there was also the emptiness of having all his plans, even the ones he’d made just in case, go to waste. 

 

“I suppose you can’t plan for everything, although I most certainly did try.” He answered finally, setting the cup down, a slight undertone of passive aggressive annoyance slipping through. Whether this was aimed at Kevin being too good at guessing this one time or Connor having been careless with his words, Connor would have to figure it out later. 

 

Sighing, he spoke once again. 

 

“Yes, I did intend to propose, at the end of all this. I planned for so many ways you could react, so many ways this could have gone. You just had to get lucky.” 

 

“Connor, I’m sorry, really I am. If I could-” Kevin’s apology was cut off once again by Connor.

 

“There’s no point in apologizing for what’s already been  _ done _ , Kevin. It isn’t going to make me stop loving you. I’m not about to call off the proposal just because you guessed it right.” Connor pulled it out of his pocket, the little, blue, velvet box. 

 

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, I think I feel confident enough to ask. We’ve been through a lot and I think I’m confident enough to spend the rest of my life with you.” Connor opened the box, revealing a small but shiny ring inside. 

 

Kevin’s eyes widened, seeing the ring. Gently reaching out, he took it, observing it from inside the box, not wanting to drop it or dirty it. It was plain, consisting of a simple silver band with gold engravings in its side. The ring was clean and whole, when the lamp lights hit it just right, it seemed to explode into a million tiny stars, all sat against a silvery background. 

 

“It’s beautiful, Connor. Where did you...how did you afford this?” He asked, looking back up at his boyfriend. He eyed the dinner, suddenly understanding the decision to serve chicken, of all things on such a night. 

 

“I didn’t buy it, if you’re asking. I-it’s my grandmother’s ring. She wanted to pass it down to her grandchildren, whichever one got married first. None of my other siblings are even dating anyone and, and I needed a ring so, I asked. I’ve always admired it, since I was young. It’s not the fanciest ring, nor is it the biggest. I thought that you deserved the best and if this was the best I could do then….” He trailed off, having run out of words to say about the ring. 

 

“It’s stunning, Connor. Were your parents really alright with…?” Kevin trailed off, questioning how to phrase what he wanted to know. For the two of them, their parents were a troublesome spot. Going from surprise, to disappointment to even signs of tentative acceptance, there was no telling how they would have reacted. They had told themselves that eventually they would accept what they had, even if it took what seemed like forever. As long as they were by each other’s side, there would be nothing to fear. 

 

“It took hours, almost an entire day to convince them that yes, this really was serious. That yes, I really was sure and that there wasn’t going to be any regrets.” Connor had to admit that while he was certain on most of those fronts, there would always be the looming question of ‘what if he did regret it? What if he did look back on this moment on their lives and wish he’d stopped?’ 

 

While he was sure there were couples out there who could take that leap of faith, wholly and fully, without a second thought or a doubt of what the future could hold for them, Connor didn’t know if he was jealous of them or thought of them as fools. To simply throw all thoughts and worries about the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could go wrong’, must have been bliss for those people. They lived in the now, stopping only to think of what to do immediately afterwards. They were also lucky enough to be so comforted by their lives, through the lives of the people they shared it with that they saw no threat that could bring all that crashing down.

 

That. 

 

That was what Connor so deeply longed for. With Kevin, he thought they may have a shot at that idyllic life of limited worries. Not  unlike in the movies where the viewers were assured, one way or another that they would live forever in undisturbed by whatever else life may have thrown at them because that was the worst that ever would come at them. Over a  decades worth of suffering and more, Connor finally wanted that life.

 

“If I say yes, right now, we’re going to have to go through that again with  _ my _ parents.” Kevin realized, clutching the box, now that he knew what struggles it had entailed. 

 

“I know, but I think we both knew that was going to happen. Even if they don’t give us their blessing, I still want to marry you. I know, that, you’re closer to them than I was with mine. I won’t..” Connor took a deep inhale, bracing himself. “...won’t blame you if you can’t...can’t make the break from them to spend your life with me.” This was the part where Connor’s mental scenarios brought everything down to a spooky mormon hell dream, where all the life and love between them went out with a snuff. Where Connor was left with nothing, living in a strange, empty house that had been theirs just moments before. That they had built up over the years into something where, when the world had been cruel, they could seek refuge and know they would be safe. 

  
  


“Connor, you know I love you more than anything in the world. I want to make our marriage work. I don’t know if I can just throw my family away, leave behind everything I’ve known so fast. Maybe in time, it won’t hurt anymore. As much as I want to keep them in my life, I want to keep you in mine as well. 

 

So yes, Connor. I will marry you.” 


End file.
